Is this the same as mindfulness?

Mindfulness practices help build the muscle. But the observing self that emerges in psychodynamic therapy is also relational — it is shaped by being known by another person, not only by sitting on a cushion.

What if I am too self-critical to observe without judgment?

That self-criticism is itself worth observing. In therapy we get curious about where it came from and whose voice it actually is.

How is this different from overthinking?

Overthinking is repetitive, anxious, and stuck in the head. Self-observation is grounded, curious, and includes the body.

Becoming an Observer of Yourself — Meta-Awareness in Therapy

7 min read By Gail A. Phillips, LCSW

Why it is the first turn

Most people arrive in therapy hoping to feel different. Underneath that hope is something more useful: the wish to understand. Understanding requires a small distance — a part of you that can watch the rest of you with curiosity instead of judgment.

Psychodynamic work calls this the observing self. It is not detachment, and it is not analysis. It is presence with what is actually happening inside you.

How it develops

The observer grows in a relationship. Sitting weekly with someone who notices what you do not yet notice — and who reflects it back without alarm — slowly internalizes that same attention inside you.

Over time you begin to catch yourself: in the middle of a familiar reaction, in the tone you take with your partner, in the way your shoulders rise before you have named the feeling.

What changes once it is there

The first thing that changes is the gap. Between a stimulus and your old reaction, there is now a half-second of awareness. That half-second is everything.

From there, the work is no longer about controlling yourself. It is about understanding yourself well enough that the old reactions begin to lose their grip.

Common questions

Questions people ask

Is this the same as mindfulness?: Mindfulness practices help build the muscle. But the observing self that emerges in psychodynamic therapy is also relational — it is shaped by being known by another person, not only by sitting on a cushion.
What if I am too self-critical to observe without judgment?: That self-criticism is itself worth observing. In therapy we get curious about where it came from and whose voice it actually is.
How is this different from overthinking?: Overthinking is repetitive, anxious, and stuck in the head. Self-observation is grounded, curious, and includes the body.

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